I realized I hadn’t used this thing in a while, so I figured it’s a good time to start fresh since it’s the new year.
2013 has been good and bad so far. We had a scare with my mom’s health. The results say she suffered a small stroke, but the neurologist says she’s fine so let’s hope that she is. She’s had so many health scares and still hasn’t quit smoking. I have tried the loving approach, the tough approach, and practically everything else I can think of to get her to stop since it will ultimately be the death of her. But I can’t make her stop. Hell, I can barely control myself at times, so, as influential as people seem to think I am… I really can’t do much if they’re not willing to meet me halfway at least. It takes me back to all the people in my life I’ve tried to help, in some way or another, and I haven’t been successful. I could focus on that. It would be easy for me to do so; after all, I am drawn to the negative.
But I won’t. Not this time. Looking back at my life, I’ve been blessed to have so many amazing job experiences where I have truly made a difference in the lives of many people. These people wanted my help; they were craving it, and I was glad to give as much of it as I could. Now, I have an amazing job as a real therapist, doing master’s level work. And I must admit there are moments where it’s overwhelming. But it’s also so rewarding to be part of this program. I’m really enjoying what I do. The best part is that other than mountains of paperwork…. I’m not taking any of that emotional stuff home with me. I think working with the elderly is a good population for me to focus on for the time being.
I’m going to go back to therapy this year now that I am employed and will be able to afford it again. I’m going to continue making myself better, and I’m going to find that missing puzzle piece that will put everything into perspective for me.
When I say my prayers, I do it mostly for therapeutic purposes. But there is a small seed of hope that really wishes someone were listening. Tonight, I said my prayers. I prayed for my family. I prayed for my friends, the ones that came and went, and the ones that still remain. I prayed for the two men I’ve ever loved. My heart is filled with good wishes for everyone. I sincerely hope this year is the one we’ve all been waiting for.